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Next Will Be More Personal Emission Controls

The human brain is built to detect patterns. That was helpful back  when we lived on savannahs and chipped flint. With that ability we could discern camouflaged predators and food in visually-confusing environments.

The drawback to it is that we sometimes see patterns when they aren't really there, such as seeing objects in clouds: "Hey, that one looks like a bunny with a crossbow."

In our more complex lives today – we don't much worry about gathering food except at the supermarket – we try to find patterns to explain what seems like the unexplainable in the world around us. This sometimes results in oddball theories to explain things we don't understand.

For a while, or maybe its still going on among the hard-core believers, there was a theory that there were secret plans by the government to have FEMA – the Federal Emergency Management Agency – do all sorts of nasty things, like herd malcontents into concentration camps. Probably via black helicopters. Depending on your persuasion, it would be Catholics rounded up, or Jews, or liberals, or talk-radio listeners, or gun-permit holders. You know, one of those groups "The Government" find pesky.

It's all balloon juice, of course. Or, at least I think so. I'm a little less convinced about the take-over by Big Government  with the federal Environmental Protection Agency finding on Monday, Dec. 7, that carbon dioxide, CO₂, is a pollutant harmful to human beings and thus needs to be controlled.

If a federal agency can make such a unilateral decision and then begin to enforce guidelines it makes itself, what's next?

As far as the CO₂ regulations go, it sounds like another way to raise costs while putting another nail into the coffin of U.S. business. This kind of sweeping change is going to affect everything from cement factories to power plants. Coal-fired plants are going to go offline rather than try to retrofit to the new standards. If you think electricity costs are high now, just wait. Don't even suggest going to a non-carbon energy source like nuclear power, it takes an average of more than 20 years to get a plant from the drawing boards to production. It's not the technology that takes so long, it's the regulations and lawsuits that delay the plants.

But, that's neither here, nor there. The idea that the EPA can, because of current political fads, become the de facto manager of U.S. industry puts most other conspiracy theories to shame.

Now that it's declared carbon dioxide a dangerous pollutant, what's next? Water vapor? Water vapor's greenhouse potential far exceeds that of carbon dioxide. How about human biological waste? That's pretty toxic. Maybe we should all get poop permits or have crap-and-trade regulations.

Personally, I'm waiting for the first EPA Carbon Cops to arrest and try someone. It puts me in mind of EPA agent Walter Peck from Ghost Busters.

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Last modified: 01/15/10